Barely Breathing

I am on a battle. A constant battle with myself. I feel like everyday is a painful struggle. I struggle with work, with my faith and with all these mixed up unidentified emotion. Work wise, I am not doing so good. I witnessed 6 deaths in a week, and I feel responsible for losing 6 patients. I know I don’t control people’s lives but when I am constantly working so hard to try and do that, at the end of the shift, I blame myself.. Faith wise, I am not doing well. I feel terrible. I missing prayer after prayer. I am unequipped with Islamic knowledge. I lack Muslim friends, and I feel lost. I am in a low point.. May Allah SWT get me where I NEED to be. Because to be honest, I need serious dose of Your guidance. Emotionally, I am damaged. I’m on someone’s hook for almost 7 years now, and I really should let go. But I can’t. I won’t. Help.